Posted By GonZo Jenny on March 20, 2013
Almost a year, few days away, since the divorce was final. Not sure how I really feel about it still. Not good, not bad, but somewhere in between.
I have put myself out there on those dating sites a couple of times, met a few people, had a couple of twisted fuck all relationships built of nothing more than sex, which, is bad. I can’t seem to allow myself to get attached or I find myself getting overly attached and neither of those things are good for anybody. Someone always ends up getting hurt. I don’t want to hurt anyone, nor do I want to get hurt myself.
I think I focus too much on having someone else in my life. I have always, ALWAYS had someone there with me. Regardless of the situation or relationship type, I have never been alone. I find myself sitting in my dark empty house, with the animals surrounding me on all sides, and just breaking down into fits of tears or laughter from recalling old memories of the years gone past. By no means am I wanting to relive, only reminiscing in something that once was.
I recently got hurt at work. Screwed up the entire right arm from thumb to shoulder. First heavy bought of real physical therapy starts this Friday. It’s been a rough couple of weeks around the house being alone. I have had a couple of people come by here and there to help me out and to bring me things I have needed. I have finally regained the use of my right hand, but only at about 30%, so that has helped a great deal. I cant turn my car on, open a door, grab onto the knob in the shower, any sort of twisting motion sends pains like you wouldn’t believe all the way up to my ear. The doctors tell me I just need to keep using it and it will get better. Here’s hoping.
All in all, I have high hopes for my future. I have laid out plans that I am working on making a reality. I am keeping my eyes, my ears, and my heart open to whatever and whomever may come my way.
I just wish it was 107° around here. Would be nice.